


Without Me

by NicholeRivera19



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Domestic destiel, Fallen Angel, Falling In Love, M/M, not knowing how to cope with feelings, restored angel grace
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-02-04 13:12:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18605215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NicholeRivera19/pseuds/NicholeRivera19





	Without Me

_Found you_ _when your heart was broke_  
 _I filled your cup until it overflowed_  
 _Took it so far to keep you close (Keep you close)_  
 _I was afraid to leave you on your own_

  
_Castiel had just pulled Dean from Hell and he knew then that Dean would be the death of him-the everlasting light of his soul was so bright but he thought so little of himself. From the beginning, Castiel has been asking if Dean was okay._

  
_You don't think you deserve to be saved?_

  
_Dean had looked down and away, knowing he wasn't worth any saving and he was so far passed it. He brushed Castiel's hand from his shoulder, walking into the hotel room. Castiel stood there, contemplating his humans' reaction. Castiel had commit the most cardinal sin-falling for a human._

  
_I said I'd catch you if you fall_   
_And if they laugh, then fuck 'em all (All)_   
_And then I got you off your knees_   
_Put you right back on your feet_   
_Just so you can take advantage of me_

  
_When Dean had found out that he had been in cahoots with Crowley, he hadn't trusted Castiel and Castiel now understood, but then he had thought they were a means to an end._

  
_"Cas, I just can't", Dean started. Castiel stepped towards the hunter._

  
_"Dean, I do everything that you ask. I always come when you call, and I am your friend. Still, despite your lack of faith in me, and now your threats, I just saved you, yet again. Has anyone but your closest kin ever done more for you? All I ask is this one thing", he said. Dean bit his lip, turning to look at Cas._

  
_"Trust your plan to pop Purgatory?" He wondered, feeling those words leave his lips made an awful taste in his mouth._

  
_"I've earned that, Dean", Castiel retorted. He was becoming just a tad frustrated with the eldest Winchester. Dean made a sound that resembled a scoffing noise as he gave a glare to the angel._

  
_Tell me how's it feel sittin' up there_   
_Feeling so high but too far away to hold me_   
_You know I'm the one who put you up there_   
_Name in the sky_   
_Does it ever get lonely?_

  
_Dean found Castiel's trench coat floating in the water, his heart pounding rapidly in his chest. Cas was dead. He folded the coat and threw it in the back of babys' trunk angrily, knowing it was one more person he couldn't save. He climbed into baby, speeding off and making gravel fly in every direction._

  
_Thinking you could live without me_   
_Thinking you could live without me_   
_Baby, I'm the one who put you up there_

  
_When Castiel came back, Dean was beside himself with anger. He had thrown himself at the angel and Cas, thinking Dean was happy to see him tried to embrace him. The first punch to the face sent Cas falling to the ground, his blue eyes widening up at Dean who hovered above him, his chest heaving, cheeks red. He was out of it with anger, but Castiel could also sense the hurt, the betrayal. Castiel wiped the blood from his mouth and slowly stood, keeping his posture down so as not to antagonise Dean. Dean turned on his heel and stormed off._

  
_I don't know why (yeah, I don't know why)_   
_Thinking you could live without me_   
_Live without me_   
_Baby, I'm the one who put you up there_   
_I don't know why (I don't know why, yeah yeah)_

  
_Castiel had pieced Dean back together he knew of every heartbreak, every kiss, touch he had given or received. How they had hurt this beautiful soul, making him believe he was never good enough. He wanted to erase them from his mind, but he knew Dean wouldn't appreciated that. Castiel knew Dean had his own demons in his mind, sometimes during the night he would cry out for Cas- he never said anything, would just whisper in Enochian, his mother tongue until Dean calmed down. Dean never noticed and Castiel didn't bring it to his attention. Some days, Castiel felt the weight of Dean's demons as well._

  
_Gave love 'bout a hundred tries (hundred tries)_   
_Just running from the demons in your mind_   
_Then I took yours and made 'em mine (made 'em mine)_   
_I didn't notice 'cause my love was blind_

  
_The first time Castiel sensed that Dean liked him as more than a friend was one night they had been out drinking, Dean was a little drunk but he still seemed to have his wits about him. He had leaned in and gave the softest kiss to Castiel. He felt as if his heart was racing in his chest before he decided to deepen the kiss. Dean instantly recoiled as if Cas had physically struck him and the hurt ran across his face-Castiel understood, Dean wasn't ready. The fear in his eyes made Castiel's heart ache._

  
_Said I'd catch you if you fall (fall)_   
_And if they laugh, then fuck 'em all (all)_   
_And then I got you off your knees_   
_Put you right back on your feet_   
_Just so you can take advantage of me_   
_Tell me how's it feel sittin' up there_   
_Feeling so high but too far away to hold me_   
_You know I'm the one who put you up there_   
_Name in the sky_

  
_After Castiel fell, Dean was there, helping him back onto his feet. Teaching him how to be human and to deal with the hand he had been given. Castiel had nightmares after seeing his brothers and sisters fall, he cried out as if in pain. Dean was there, by his bedside every single time he happened to have these dreams. He would run his fingers through Castiel's hair softly, not wanting to disturb him and he would sing 'Hey Jude' to him. It always seemed to work and he never brought it up to Cas, he didn't want to see the sadness nor the confusion. Dean knew he was giving mixed signals, he didn't know how to cope with his own feelings._

  
_Does it ever get lonely?_   
_Thinking you could live without me_   
_Thinking you could live without me_   
_Baby, I'm the one who put you up there_   
_I don't know why (yeah, I don't know why)_   
_Thinking you could live without me_   
_Live without me_   
_Baby, I'm the one who put you up there_   
_I don't know why, yeah_

  
_Dean was going to die, he knew he was. This was it, he had to tell Cas. Suddenly, the air was supercharged as Castiel entered. He destroyed the demons who had dared to touch Dean, his jaw set. He slowly knelt next to the hunter, cupping his face, feeling Dean's blood on his hand._

  
_"Cas", Dean whispered, blood spilling over his lips. Castiel, though had received his grace back, could still feel human emotions. He turned, ready to fight as he heard footsteps. Sam and Claire entered, stopping at the scene. Castiel turned back to Dean, his fingers raised. Dean's eyes closed as Castiel pressed his fingers to his forehead._

  
_Dean woke up a week later, the extent of the damage had nearly killed Castiel but Cas would do it again to save his hunter. Dean was special, still such a bright soul and his. Dean looked around the room expecting a hospital, not expecting to be in his own room in the bunker. The door opened slowly and Cas walked in, seeing that he was awake he moved to his side instantly._

  
_"Dean", he said. Dean thought it was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard. Without thinking he grabbed Castiel by the lapels of his trench coat and pulled him down into a hug and tilted his head, crashing their lips in a desperate kiss. Dean relaxed against the angel, knowing he could fully trust him no matter what happened next, Castiel would be there ride or die with him. He pulled back, taking a deep breath as he looked at Cas. This was it, Dean knew he had fallen for Castiel. It had happened some time ago, but he had been too stubborn to realise it._

  
_You don't have to say just what you did_   
_I already know (I know)_   
_I had to go and find out from them_   
_So tell me how's it feel (oh-woah)_   
_Tell me how's it feel sittin' up there_   
_Feeling so high but too far away to hold me_   
_You know I'm the one who put you up there_   
_Name in the sky_

  
_When they had sex for the first time, it was hurried, rushed in the backseat of the impala. It was still one of Castiel's favorite times. Dean had been so unsure and he allowed Castiel to take control. Dean always had to have things together and ideas, a plan-but with Cas, he could relinquish his power and just be Dean for awhile. Castiel loved that side of Dean, the vulnerable side of his human. Castiel would lay with Dean after, just running his fingers across his skin. There were scars here and there from his years of being a hunter, with freckles covering his entire body like the constellations in the sky._

_Does it ever get lonely?_   
_Thinking you could live without me_   
_Thinking you could live without me_   
_Baby, I'm the one who put you up there_   
_I don't know why (yeah, I don't know why)_   
_Thinking you could live without me_   
_Live without me_   
_Baby, I'm the one who put you up there_   
_I don't know why, yeah_

  
_Day by day, Castiel began to erase Dean's insecurities and Dean couldn't be happier. He had his brother, his angel best friend turned boyfriend and he still got to hunt. Castiel said he would never take that from him and for that, Dean was grateful. Eventually, Dean wanted to settle down. Him and Castiel had discussed it and Cas had said when Dean was ready they could. The discussed marriage, a house, kids-they both didn't want kids, for fear that even after they settled down the bump in the night uglies would come for their babies. Castiel loved Dean more than anything or anyone in the world. Dean did have the brightest soul of course._

  
_You don't have to say just what you did_   
_I already know (I know)_   
_I had to go and find out from them_   
_So tell me how's it feel (oh-woah)_   
_Tell me how's it feel sittin' up there_   
_Feeling so high but too far away to hold me_

  
_When some Angels had offered Castiel a position back in Heaven, Castiel turned them down. He was happy with Dean, his hunter. When he explained what he was feeling the two angels who had come to him exchanged amused smiles. Castiel was as much in love with Dean as the day when he had pulled him out of hell. They knew it was a lost cause to ask Castiel, he was far too in love, far too human now. They had wished him the best and made a protective ward around the bunker for the time being and should Dean and Cas ever move, to let them know so they could protect that home as well._

  
_You know I'm the one who put you up there_   
_Name in the sky_   
_Does it ever get lonely?_   
_Thinking you could live without me_   
_Thinking you could live without me_   
_Baby, I'm the one who put you up there_   
_I don't know why (yeah, I don't know why)_

Years later, Castiel padded barefoot out onto their front porch of their country home and he smiled. He knew he had said Dean Winchester is saved, but Dean is the one who had saved him. Cas sat on the porch swing, thinking about their life together before looking at his left hand. He smiled as he thought about their wedding.

  
_"Dean, I wish to get married", he had said one morning over cereal. Dean's face had paled a bit but he cocked his head._

  
_"C'mon Cas, we fuck and we live together isn't that enough?" Dean asked, sipping at his coffee. Castiel frowned only slightly, his eyebrows furrowing._

  
_"You do not wish to marry me. I wanted rings, Dean. So everyone knows that as much as I'm yours, you are mine too", he explained. Dean's face softened, he stood, leaning over the table to give Cas a soft kiss._

  
_"I wish to marry you. We will get rings and I will always be yours", he promised._

  
_Their wedding had been beautiful in a field full of lavender flowers and honeysuckle; Castiel wore a white suit while Dean had opted for a soft cotton button down shirt and some Khakis. Castiel had picked it out, saying he loved Dean best in it. Dean had just shaken his head fondly at his husband. There were jars hanging in the trees with little lights in them, they had a few of their family friends that were left and danced almost all night. It was the best night of Dean's life and he was surprised by how much he had enjoyed it. As he entered their shared room, Castiel had run up to him, jumping into his arms nearly knocking the other over._

  
_"I love you, thank you so much for marrying me and giving me the best wedding", Castiel said, pressing kisses to Dean's face and his neck affectionately. Dean held his husband close._

  
_"Anything for you, Cas. You're the love of my life", Dean had said._

  
Castiel smiled and then turned hearing their screen door. Dean stepped out and handed Castiel a cup of coffee before sitting next to him on the porch swing. Just beyond the horizon, the sun was starting to come up and Castiel leaned against Dean's side.


End file.
